


Mine/Yours/Ours

by usedupshiver



Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Dubious Consent, Fantasy Sex, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki Has Issues, Loki Needs a Hug, M/M, Manipulative Loki, Masturbation, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony-centric, Two Minds One Body
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 06:41:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2803196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usedupshiver/pseuds/usedupshiver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony realizes that drawing the line between <i>me</i> and <i>you</i> is pretty damn hard when you share a body with an alien would-be conqueror. And that you can forget about things like privacy, secrets, and boundaries. Because when the hands Loki insists on putting on him are Tony's own, there's nowhere to hide.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony learns it's a bad idea to mess with the Trickster.

Science and technology going wrong was one thing. Tony knew all about that, and how bad it could get. He knew about the breakdowns, the glitches, the explosions. The burns and the shrapnel... Oh, yes, he knew. But magic going wrong? Well, that was another thing entirely. One he had never been trained for, never experienced, and never expected. Until it was too late.

When Loki had put the tip of his scepter to Tony's chest, clinking against the arc reactor, he had never anticipated that it could go wrong. That instead of him gaining control of Tony's mind, the way he had intended, he would be sucked into it. Tony knew for a fact that he hadn't anticipated it, because... well... Loki was part of his head now. And not _just_ his head, either.

Leaning with his shoulder against the wall of the elevator, which was quickly rising to the top of Stark Tower, Tony was constantly pushing back tendrils of searching power, trying to get to him. Sometimes the tendrils won. Slithering into the parts of his mind that would give them access to the physical, controlling Tony's body directly. But for now, he shook them off.

Frowning, Tony looked down at the metal cuffs around his wrists. They had been put there to stop Loki from using his magic when he was the one in charge, when he controlled what Tony was doing and saying. So until someone could figure out a way to pull him out – because Loki himself had no idea how it could be done, or how it had happened in the first place – Tony was Loki's prison, his gaoler, and very reluctant cell mate.

To be fair, it hadn't been a complete disaster.

With Loki suddenly sharing a pretty crowded head with him, Tony had known that the scepter could break the protective shield around the device on top of the Tower, close the portal, and put a stop to the invasion from the other end of space before it had even begun. Lucky as hell, really. That could have ended so much worse. For Manhattan.

But for Tony, personally, things couldn't get that much worse, to be honest.

Loki's attempt at world domination had been almost a month ago. By now, Tony would have given every penny he owned and probably a limb or two just to be able to go to the bathroom alone. Or pick his nose without anyone knowing. Anything, really, that he didn't have to share. 

This had to be what hell was like.

In all of this, the only comfort was that he knew Loki was suffering just as much. They were both people who enjoyed having their own, personal, private space. Integrity. Alone time. Do not disturb. Now, they were both denied all of that. Even though they tried to keep some distance from each other, most of the time, it was inevitable that they stumbled over and bumped into the other a lot.

And Loki hated this as much as Tony did himself. It chafed and burned and made Loki on edge. He knew that, very well, because Loki couldn't hide it. Their minds were not completely merged and open to each other, but they were connected enough, thank you very much.

Which was painfully obvious at the moment...

Reaching the penthouse Tony quickly walked up to the bar and got out a familiar bottle. Immediately, there came a protesting growl in his head.

_Scotch? Again? Really? It's ghastly stuff and I won't have it!_

”You don't have a choice right now.” Tony fought back the will grasping at his mind with renewed force, and managed to do it. For now. ”I'm in charge here, so I choose the drink. You'll just have to deal.”

_I'll make you pay when I am at the helm of this ship, Stark!_

”You know what?” Tony filled his glass and put the bottle down a little bit harder than he had to, his voice rising too. ”You only have yourself to blame here. You're the one who woke us up with that _horrible_ wet dream! If that hadn't happened, we'd still be asleep right now.”

 _So? You got something out of that as well._ Loki seemed to shift somewhere between sullen and smug.

”Shut up!” Tony winced and threw the entire glass back in one swallow, making him wince more. 

In the dark back of his mind, Loki made helpless, gagging noises at the burning taste. How the fuck could a voice in our head gag, anyway? Obviously he could. And he sounded so genuinely tormented that Tony actually, for just a moment, felt a bit sorry for him. Huh. That sure was a first... 

He was quick to shake it off, though, before the feeling could take root and Loki would notice. Tony turned back to the disgust and anger instead, scowling at the empty glass in his hand. ”You are one messed up piece of shit, you know that?”

 _What?_ Loki sounded smaller, and tired.

Tony closed his eyes, which only made the memories of the dream clearer, and he opened them again in a hurry. ”Me and Banner do _not_ like each other that way!” His voice was an angry growl now.

He could actually feel Loki's smile spreading, like oil coating the inside of his head. _To be fair, that was not really Banner, though, was it?_ He had turned smooth and sharp again, in an instant.

Thinking about it made Tony shudder. He knew that by any laws of logic and science you would end up cracked, broken and torn apart if you tried getting intimately close to the Hulk. It was one of those things you couldn't think about becuse it just hurt even trying to picture it. And he preferred not to. Partly because of that, and partly because well, he really didn't like Banner that way. In any form.

On his own, Tony would never have had that dream, and he knew for a fact that this dream hadn't been his either. He knew that most of all because of the way he had seen himself in it. When he had a wet dream, it was _always_ in first person. He was the center of his own world and attention even when he was sleeping, obviously. But in this dream he'd been observing the Hulk and himself together, and had a chance to see very clearly how much he – against all reason – had been enjoying himself.

That is, until he'd cum so hard he'd woken up from the force of it...

He shook his head, willing the images away once more. ” _So_ not making things better! For anyone. Just stop talking!”

There came something Tony could only call a snigger in his ears. _Sensitive spot, I see..._

”I'm warning you, asshole! That was the eighteen year old Laphroaig. If you don't play nice, I bring out the cheap stuff I keep for guests I don't like. Then you'll really have something to gag over!”

 _Oh, you do that. Please._ Loki drawled the words now. _I can feel the alcohol working in here already, you know? One more might be enough for me to push you aside right now. You are already tired, after all. Just have one more, rest, and let me take over, won't you?_

Groaning, Tony put the glass down and rubbed his hands over his face. ”I hate you.”

_Now, that wasn't nice, Stark._

”Well I am so fucking not at all even a little sorry.” But he did leave the glass empty, turned his back to the bar and started walking back to the elevator. ”We're going to take a shower now. Because your dirty mind is still sticking all over everything. And then we go to bed and try this sleeping thing again.”

In a carefully walled up part of his mind, kept separate, or at least so he hoped, Tony wondered when he had started using the word ”we” to describe their messed up condition? They were really not in this together, after all. They were not a ”we”. Fuck no!

_As you wish._

Loki sounded bored, distant, and he kept silent while Tony returned to his suite, walked into the bathroom and got his sleeping clothes off. The drying cum in his underwear felt _gross_. Thinking about what had put it there just made it worse, and he balled the boxer briefs up and pushed them far down into the hamper, trying to pretend they didn't exist. Maybe he should trow them away altogether? Or burn them? But that might be a bit dramatic, even for him.

Stepping into the shower moments later, Tony felt like he suddenly lost his footing. Expecting a tumbling fall onto the tiles, Tony shouted out, but the sound didn't make it out through his mouth. It just hit the walls of his mind. And in the same instant, he realized that he had never stumbled. He had just been pushed aside, losing control of his limbs.

One drink had apparently been enough.

_Oh, fucking hell!_

”Language, Stark.” Hearing Loki's words through his own voice, changing it, making it more velvety than when he was using it himself, never stopped being weird.

Loki pulled the shower door closed, turned the water on, and stepped into the warm spray. At least he didn't seem to want to change the plans Tony had already made for them, then. That was something. 

Tony could feel the always present surprise when Loki ran his hands through the short hair to get it wet; expecting and wishing for something much longer.

 _Don't even think about it_ , he grumbled at the passing thoughts. _It wouldn't suit me at all._

”No matter.” Loki lathered shampoo into the wet hair. ”I would not wish to be here long enough for it to grow anyway.”

_That we can agree on, at least._

Tony tried to settle in the darkness of his mind. He was aware of the impressions from all his body's senses even when he was pushed back into this hidden place, locked off from controlling what was his. So he could still feel and hear the hot water, smell the soap, see and feel Loki using it to clean them - himself - Tony... Ah, fuck it! He might as well stop trying to make sense of this, because it made no sort of sense to begin with.

It was always nervous when Loki ran his hands over the arc reactor, but Tony knew that Loki knew better than to mess with the thing. That would put them both in trouble, after all. 

But the memory of the very first time Loki had taken control was still terrifying. Then, Loki had gone straight for the creation in Tony's sternum, his mind full of the conviction that this was what had landed him in here, what had messed everything up. In seconds he had been clawing and tearing at it in a rage that had scared Tony into a screaming, flailing panic inside his head, where he for the first time ever was locked away, helpess to do anything to stop what was happening. In the end he'd had to give away all his secrets, yelling at Loki to _for fuck's sake don't fucking kill us both!_ before Loki had at last calmed down and left it alone. But he'd saved ~~them~~ himself so it had to be worth letting Loki know what the reactor really was. Had to be...

Now, though, it all started turning another kind of nervous when Loki moved his hands away from the reactor and down over ribs and abdomen, rubbing soap into the wiry pubic hair below it. Wincing and cringing mentally, as he always did when they were in this situation, he tried to focus on the fact that it was something that needed doing. Maybe he should be sort of grateful that Loki did it at all, when he was the one in control? That he wasn't just leaving all the dirty work to Tony.

But then he quickly changed his mind about that, because -

_Whoa! What the hell, man? That's all clean now. Move along, nothing to see here!_

Loki made a snorting laugh, echoing off the tiles and glass. ”Oh, come now! No need to be so hard on yourself. I have seen more impressive specimens, true, but I wouldn't call it 'nothing'...”

Tony snarled like an enraged animal. _That is NOT what I meant and you know it! Shut your face and get your hand OFF me!_

”Really now? You do seem to be in disagreement with yourself, Stark.”

With an internal, very exasperated groan, Tony realized that Loki was completely right. Even after that _disgusting_ wet dream, his body was still in the mood, obviously. And it also seemed to have a... thing... for Loki. Tony couldn't explain it any other way, because it sure as hell was a lot more responsive than it usually was this soon after an orgasm. Even through the oversensitivity that should have made the touch more painful than enjoyable, he could feel a sort of tingling pleasure he couldn't recognize from how it usually felt when he was jerking himself off. And yeah, he was definitely getting hard again. Fast, too.

What was that about?!

 _Don't you dare!_

At this point, Tony wasn't sure if he was talking to Loki or his own cock. Didn't make much difference anyway. Both of them were against him. He was voted down, two to one, by his own body and the alien living in his head.

How was this his life?

And as if it wasn't enough that the soapslick hand on him, feeling like his own and completely foreign at the same time, was winning his body over, something was up in his mind as well. Images that definitely were not his own creations moved by, and he couldn't help but watch.

(At least the Hulk wasn't there this time...)

There was just Loki. And Tony. On some oddly blurry, out of focus bed. All Tony could see was that it was green, but then again the important thing here was obviously not the decor. No, the really important and disturbing thing was the way the fantasy image of Loki, resting on that bed, was almost _possessively_ curled up around a made up version of Tony. Jerking him off. Exactly the way Loki was treating his body in real life.

At first Tony could just stare. Loki had never done this before; presented him with thoughts in the form of images in an effort to get a point across, get a reaction. And Tony was damn sure that was the reason he didn't keep this to himself also. Before it had all been words and short flashes of memories. This sure as hell was no memory.

Curiosity sort of got the better of Tony, too. He had to admit that. Because while Loki had had the opportunity to see him, all of him, many times during this month, Tony had never seen Loki. Of course. Since he had no body to undress, or wash. (Not that he would have _wanted_ to see Loki! But, you know? It was only fair he got to have a look too...)

Without his armour Loki was slimmer than Tony would have expected, long and lean and hard. And yeah, all of him was hard. Very obviously. Which got Tony out of his staring, quickly.

He shifted in his dark, locked up space, tried to reach out with all his might, but couldn't get a grip on anything, move an inch, stuck. Frustration was rising. And that wasn't the only thing. But he tried to ignore the sparks of intense pleasure joining him in the darkness, and focus on the anger. He really, really didn't want this! It had to stop, or he would go insane. Clawing at the boundary between himself and Loki, he threw all his rage at the other.

_Fuck you!_

”So, _now_ you want to play?” Loki's voice was husky coming out of Tony's mouth. He was clearly completely unaffected by the heat of Tony's emotions, as if he had no idea about the storm raging in their head.

And then, in their shared mind, the fantasy version of Tony suddenly took the upper hand. He promptly turned around, grabbed Loki and flipped him down face first in the hazy, dreamlike bedding. Loki didn't even resist the manhandling, didn't fight back when Tony kicked his legs apart with a knee, and unceremoniously pushed into him. Making both the fantasy Loki and the real one let out a throaty moan. 

At the same time, the hand on him made an extra effort, and in the prison of his own head, Tony thought he was about to fall apart with all the different levels of pleasure coming at him all at once.

There was no way this could get more messed up and wrong.

_Don't stop..._

Okay, maybe it could. 

The moan became a just as throaty laugh. Somehow it was the sexiest sound Tony had ever heard. He didn't want it to be, really, but suddenly half his world (or more) consisted of Loki's strong, pale body arching up to meet him when Tony fucked him like there was no tomorrow. It was something he found it very difficult to ignore, stay separated from and unaffected by. Because even if he knew it was just a fantasy – and not even his own – and knew that it wasn't really him, that it wasn't really happening, and that he so, so, so didn't want it... It still felt real. And fuck, but did it feel goddamn _glorious!_

Tony - Loki - _They_ came just moments later. Leaning with their forehead against the tiles, hot water splashing the back of their head. Panting.

In the dizzy aftershocks, Tony felt the walls of his prison soften and lose their hold on him. He was affected by the climax as well, but Loki was in charge of the physical part of them, and had taken the most of the hit. So when Tony gathered his strenght, and burst through the barrier, he broke free on the first try.

With a wet gasp, he was suddenly the one leaning against a cold wall, weak at the knees. All Tony, nothing between him and reality at all. It was shocking and almost painful.

”Messed up piece of shit.” The words were hoarse and tired, but it felt good to hear himself speak in his own voice again.

 _I told you I would make you pay._ So smug Tony could almost _taste_ it.

”Yeah, right, because you got nothing out of that?” Tony pushed back from the wall and washed himself off one last time, before turning the water off and getting out, grabbing a towel.

_One does not exclude the other._

When he had underwear and a t-shirt on again, Tony felt a little better. Safer. He knew it was just an illusion, of course, but still. Being naked suddenly felt a lot worse than it had twenty minutes ago. Vulnerable and well, yeah, naked. He hadn't really reflected on it before; it had just been something he had to deal with. Now he got selfconscious and uncomfortable.

Tony pushed the rumpled covers aside, sat down on the bed, leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. ”What the hell did I ever do to deserve this?” 

_You should never have put that wondrous gem in your chest, Stark._ The reply was quick and sharply bitter.

”And you shouldn't have come poking at it with that goddamned glowstick of yours!” Tony muttered it out between his fingers.

An indistinct grumble came from the back of his head, and the next words were more hesitant, slow, and somehow more honest. 

_Can you blame me? Truly? With you at my back, I would never have lost._

Tony let his hands drop slowly to hang between his knees, staring out into nothing. He knew it was simple strategy, but it still felt like praise. From the inside of his own head. How often did he get that?

He shook himself out of these disturbing thoughts, and lifted his legs up on the bed. He rolled over, pulling the covers over himself, hugging the pillow closer. ”Now, would you please let me sleep?” He mumbled it into the fabric as he closed his eyes. ”I need my rest to put up with you, you know.”

_I know. But to be fair, you take quite a toll on me as well._

It honestly didn't feel like he could protest it. It was most likely true, wasn't it? They were going to break each other before this shit was over. He might as well try making it work. While they were like they were. Be the bigger person. 

”All right.” Tony sighed. ”I'll cut back on the scotch. If it really bothers you that much.”

Everything in his mind was quiet for a moment. Very still. Frozen in what felt like surprise. He was even pretty sure part of the surprise was his own. After all, he'd never agreed to cut back on any sort of drinking before. For anyone.

 _I would... appreciate that._ The words were slow, wary, as if Loki didn't really believe him. And it was hard to blame him, of course.

”Whatever gets you to keep our hands to yourself.” Tony groaned at his own formulation. Damn trying to put what was who and whose and what into words! It would drive him nuts!

On the inside of his head, Tony could feel Loki curl up, like a cat, small and warm and suddenly so very pleased.

_If you really want me to._

Such a messed up piece of shit!

Tony had no idea which one of them he was referring to anymore. Loki? Himself? Both? Some collective creature that was both of them and neither? And then he figured that it made no difference anyway.

It was all true.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lines keep getting more blurred by the minute.

_Raise!_ Loki's voice in Tony's mind was urgent, the word fast and hard and eager. He sounded more alive than Tony had heard him in a while.

_”What?”_ He answered with a curious thought of his own. That was something they had learned pretty recently that they could do, that the one in charge didn't actually have to speak out loud. Usually they still did that when they were alone, because it was easier, but now they weren't.

_He's bluffing. Raise!_

_”How would you know?”_ Tony felt himself starting to frown but then stopped his muscles from moving, hopefully in time. He now kept his eyes glued to his own cards. _”You can see his hand or something?”_

Loki gave a little snort of a laugh. _No need. I have spent time in his head as well, you know._

_”Don't remind me.”_ That was the last thing Tony wanted to consider right now. 

_Is that jealousy I hear?_ Loki purred and practically rubbed himself against Tony's inside, like a cat marking him with his mental scent. _Don't worry, Stark. I did not have nearly as much fun with him as I do with you._

_”Shut up!”_ An internal groan, before trying to get back to the subject at hand. _”How do you know he's bluffing?”_

Loki sighed and relented, obviously more interested in the game of cards than the game he was playing with Tony. _He lifts his left shoulder like that when he lies._

Tony slowly raised his eyes from the numbers and symbols in his hands to look at the man across the table. True enough. There it was; Barton's left shoulder was held slightly closer to his ear than the right. Tony bit his lip, thinking, no longer caring if he was giving something away. Oh, what the hell, he might as well give it a shot. 

So, Tony did as the voice in his head told him, raised, and what do you know? Clint had absolutely nothing.

While Tony reached out and pulled the stacks of chips to his place at the table, he could hear Loki's delighted chuckle in the back of his mind. Could practically see him rub his hands together. Damn supervillain, still getting his kicks wherever he could.

”That's it. I'm out.” Barton scowled at Tony, pushing his chair back from the table while he spoke. ”I'm pretty sure you're cheating, anyway”, he added as he stood up, a hand coming up for an accusing gesture.

”I would never!” Tony gave him an offended glare. Really! He definitely wouldn't. 

”Maybe _you_ wouldn't.” Barton crossed his arms over his chest, still scowling, clearly not convinced. ”Although I wouldn't put it past you either.”

_He is such an ass!_

Tony felt himself agreeing. And for once, even Loki hadn't been cheating. Not really. Reading tells was what this game was all about after all, right? ”Hey, that's hurtful!” Tony pointed back at Clint. ”We beat you, fair and square!”

They stared at each other for a moment, while an unusual amount of expressions traveled over the agent's face. And Tony could understand why; that ”we” was a problem for them all. For Tony himself more than anyone else. Except maybe Loki.

”Whatever.” Barton finally huffed out, turned and walked away, to join Natasha and Banner in the armchairs in the other end of the room.

_One down, one to go..._

Tony turned to Rogers, the only other man left by the table, who was by now eyeing him suspiciously. ”You still in, Cap?”

Steve slowly shook his head and put the deck of cards down. ”No, I think I'm about done here as well.”

”You guys are no fun at all.” Tony sighed, and heard Loki do the same. Playtime over. Neither of them liked that.

Hanging out with the other Avengers had turned pretty awkward after Tony had been stuck with his uninvited guest. Everyone knew he wasn't the only one listening, watching, and they knew that at any time, they might actually be talking to Loki, instead of Tony. Sometimes Loki could manage to fool them into thinking it was still him, keeping to Tony's voice and turns of phrase, while Tony tried to get his protests and warnings through from the inside. To no avail.

In the end, they usually noticed anyway, even though they had found it a bit harder since he'd stopped drinking scotch. That had been a dead giveaway before – if he was drinking scotch, they knew it was him. Now? Now it was all gin and tonic. It was the only drink they had been able to agree on; it was strong enough to still work for Tony, and the fresh, spicy taste appealed to Loki.

But even though it was off and weird, Tony desperately needed the distraction of outside company. It was all he had, after all. Except the alien in his head.

They had locked away all his suits and his tools, since there was no telling what Loki could use his skilled hands for, if he was allowed to keep tinkering when Loki came in and took over. Tony was banned from the workshop, and only Banner was allowed in the lab. JARVIS was only allowed to obey the simplest commands, like turning on and off the lights and such, so Loki couldn't use Tony's access to trick the AI into doing something catastrophic.

And there was definitely no telling anyone about the things Loki used his hands for in other ways. Because _of course_ that had happened again. A few times... Even though Tony hated to admit it. They had needs, after all! Physical ones. Even Loki. Tony knew that just all too well by now. He might seem like just a voice in that inner place, but he was possibly a lot more.

Banner had a theory that Loki's body was actually in there with Tony as well. That it had changed into some other state and form of being and followed the energy of his mind into Tony. That this was the reason he could take over completely.

It wasn't impossible, Tony reluctantly had to agree. After all, they had found no trace of Loki after the... accident. The scepter had clattered to the floor by Tony's feet, when he was still reeling from the shock, but Loki had disappeared. Armour and all. Apparently, into Tony's head.

Tony really hoped his boots had been clean.

* * *

When everyone had left and it was just Tony and Loki again, they remained sitting in one of the armchairs for a long time, sipping the last gin and tonic. It was still Tony in charge, though. He had been allowed to stay at the wheel for the entire night, actually. But after some time in the chair he glanced down at himself and noticed the way he was sitting. He had slid down just a bit on the seat, and his knees were spread inappropriately far apart in a relaxed manner that wasn't his own.

He frowned. ”How long have you been working on this trick?”

_A few days. I was beginning to wonder if you would ever notice, to be honest._

”Kind of wish I hadn't”, Tony muttered, pulling his legs closed so fast his knees banged together painfully, before he stood and started heading for his suite. ”Might as well go to bed, forget that that ever happened. That any of this ever happened, while I'm at it.”

Silence greeted this. A silence that felt odd, somehow, but Tony couldn't put his finger on why. Mostly everything about this, about his life these days, was odd. It was so hard to separate one sort of odd from the others.

By the time he had brushed his teeth, undressed and crawled into bed, the silence had started to bother him a bit, though. It chafed in an unfamiliar way. Usually he was happy for every single second of quiet he got inside his head, but this was... off.

”You still there?”

_Where else would I be?_ Sulking. Bitter and hostile. 

Wow. It hadn't been that bad since the first couple of weeks. So, there definitely was something wrong. Tony swallowed.

”Want to...? You know? Talk about it?”

There came a beat of disbelieving silence.

_Would you truly want to listen?_

Tony thought it over. ”Well, I asked, didn't I?”

There was another moments hesitation. Then, without any warning, the defenses Tony had let drop during the peaceful night were forcefully breached. One sharp push, and he was stumbling into the back room of his own mind.

_Hey! Rude!_

”I suppose it was.” Loki stretched on the bed, clearly enjoing the feeling of moving muscles and sheets against skin. ”But if I am to talk, I want our voice. You have had this mouth to yourself all night, after all.”

'Our voice'... So, Loki was doing it too.

_Right. Whatever. Carry on._

Crossing their arms behind their head, metal cuffs clinking together, Loki gazed up at the shadowy ceiling. ”You know that I am not enjoying this situation any more than you, do you not?”

_Yeah?_

”If there was any way I could, I would be out of your head. I promise you that.” He paused, running teeth over their bottom lip, thoughtful. But he was not really waiting for a reply to what they both already knew, so Tony stayed quiet. ”Still. I could not help but think that... tonight? We had... fun? Together?”

Tony could _feel_ Loki cringe away from the words as he said them. And he knew that he was doing the same. Because they were true, and he had no way of denying it. To himself, or Loki. 

Messing with Barton over poker, laughing at what a sore loser he was. Seeing Cap freak out trying to figure out if he was speaking to Tony or Loki at any given time. Even Tony trying to imitate Loki's voice and words to see if he could trick Natasha into thinking it wasn't Tony making dirty suggestions... That had been fun. Really fun. He had no choice but to admit it, did he?

_Well, yeah, I guess we did have fun. Together._

”And still, you only want to forget.” Bitter again.

Oh. Crap! 

Tony had managed to hurt Loki's feelings. 

He would have liked to be able to say that he didn't think Loki had any, but by now he knew that wasn't close to true. Loki had feelings. Lots of them, actually. Strong and deep ones. He just did a damn good job of hiding them, from everyone. A lot of the time even from himself. But that made less of a difference when Tony was often able to get a peak behind the scenes, to so speak.

_I'm... sorry. It's just that this is so... messed up._ Tony curled up in the dark, feeling a bit like and ass, and all the while wishing he didn't have to. _Sometimes I just can't take it. You know? But yeah, I know you didn't want this. So I shouldn't take it out on you. Really._

”Yes.” Loki sighed. ”I do know.” He never said the words 'I forgive you' out loud, but they hovered between them. ”That is likely why we so happily embrace any distraction.”

_Probably._

Even though he had made the admission, it was somehow a surprise when he noticed their right hand wander down into their underwear. He hadn't realized what sort of distraction Loki had on his mind for the moment.

_Oh..._

The little internal noise from him made the hand stop, resting on the hipbone.

Okay, so, that was kind of a surprise too. Loki had never stopped before. He had won Tony over, with a combination of tricks and force and persuasion. But he had never stopped.

”No?”

And he had definitely never asked permission.

Part of Tony wanted to flat out deny that request, now that it was there, when Loki might listen to the protests he'd given the other times. But on the other hand (and this was the part Tony didn't even like to admit to himself) the times Loki had won him over before, he had never really regretted it. When a huge part of someone's way of persuading you is flooding your mind with images and thoughts about how _amazing_ it felt to just give in and enjoy yourself? Yeah, then you didn't have a lot to put up in the form of protests. And things like that linger, create memories. Not real ones, but the mind doesn't discriminate like that, Tony had found out. 

It had been weird and strange and messed up and all, but still...

He wanted it again. He didn't want to want it, but he did. 

_Keep going._

No need to tell Loki twice. He got that hand moving again immediately, closing fingers around the already stiffening length. Not for the first time, Tony noticed that his body responed so much more eagerly when Loki was running the show. Why, he still couldn't make sense of. At first he had thought that he must have some really deep, physical sort of attraction to the guy that he was just plain ignoring. Or maybe that his resistance was simply lower when Loki was already in his head. 

But then he had started to wonder if a large part of it might be the fact that when Loki was at the wheel, his interest in Tony was showing through. That Loki wasn't just playing this game to mess with his head, or to get himself off, but that he was the one feeling the deep attraction. That he just wanted Tony, and that his want turned to a physical response that Tony, in turn, felt and reacted to. That Tony was getting turned on by Loki getting turned on by Tony... (Fuck, that was so messed up he didn't know where to start.)

By now, Tony was starting to think that all three theories had a part in the truth. It was a chain reaction of will and want where he no longer knew what had started it all, or where it would end.

Then, interrupting his thinking, Loki managed to surprise Tony for a third time. Because now he suddenly made a reverse version of his previous move, and resolutely pushed Tony to the front instead. Making him take over. Something he had never done before.

Tony fumbled for a moment, unprepared. ”What the...?”

_Keep going._ Loki sounded a bit breathless, repeating his words. _I want to watch._

Obviously, Loki was quick to use Tony's willingness to participate, to satisfy a fantasy.

Kinky bastard.

Tony growled, turned half on his front, clenching his teeth, part of him wishing he could take it all back, and stop anyway, now that he was the one in charge. But he wasn't really able to. Even with the added strangeness of suddenly having an audience.

”You are _such_ a bad influence on me!”

There came a beat of silence as the only reply, but it didn't feel empty, somehow. 

Tony scowled into the pillow, his hand still lingering where it was, wrist caught under the elastic of his underwear, fingers just grasping at his root. ”Did you...? Did you just _roll your eyes_ at me?!”

_I might have._

”What the hell!”

_You so quickly forget that I live in your head, Stark. While I cannot see all of it, the glimpses I get are enough. Nothing I could attempt to introduce your mind to would be new to it._

”Really?” He blinked into the dim light of the room. ”Nothing?”

_As far as I can tell? No._

Wow. Something a thousand years older than you, something that had seen worlds you had never known existed, telling you your mind was far dirtier than it's own... That had to be bad, right? Or should he be proud? Tony had no idea anymore.

”Yeah, well, you know what they say? Nothing new under the sun. It's all derivative. Doesn't mean it can't _feel_ new.”

Silence.

_Stark?_

”Yeah?”

_Was that... a challenge?_

Was it? Shit, it was, wasn't it?

”I think it was, actually.” Tony had to clear his throat. ”Accepted?”

There echoed a laughter in his mind then, one that gave him chills. Might have been fear, or anticipation, or both.

_Accepted!_

Out of nowhere, he was assaulted with the strongest, clearest mental image he had ever seen. And Tony was pretty good at thinking up images like this one on his own. The one forced at him now was still beyond anything he had ever constructed himself. Every detail was sharp enough to burn him, and he would likely see it every time he closed his eyes, from now until the day he died.

It was the image of him and Loki, right in the middle of this very bed, both on their knees. Loki behind, buried deep inside Tony. (He couldn't see the 'deep' part, obviously, but he didn't really need to – the look on that Tony's face, caught somewhere between shock and ecstasy, told him.) Tony's hands were reaching behind, holding on to the back of Loki's neck and one of his shoulders. He was arching his back into a perfect curve, every muscle tense. One of Loki's hands had a firm, possessive hold on Tony's throat, the other on his cock. His pale face was by Tony's ear, probably whispering sweet, perverted nothings into it.

All in all, the image lingered in front of his eyes for perhaps a couple of seconds, but the effect was completely devastating

”Oh, _FUCK!_ ” Tony shouted into the pillow as he went from semi-hard to on the verge of cumming right then, still in his underwear, faster than he had ever experienced.

And he knew he had been right. Something didn't have to be new to do the trick.

Because there was nothing new, groundbreaking or even anything really overly creative about the image Loki had presented. On the surface it was hot, sure, but that was it. But thinking of it as simply an image didn't cover it. Not nearly. This wasn't something printed on a paper or made out of pixels on a screen, no, this was made up of thoughts and sensations and impressions.

Tony didn't know how deep Loki's cock had been inside him just from the look on his fantasy doubles face; he also knew it because the way Loki felt it had come with the image. That tight, hot grip... And then the added knowledge that this was the way Loki imagined it would feel to fuck Tony, how he felt it in his dreams and fantasies... That Tony was, basically, feeling what it would be like to fuck himself.

(And wasn't that just the perfect way to seduce a textbook narcissist?)

And on top of those things was the intimate hold Loki had had on him. Not just keeping him in place, but holding him close, Tony's very life in his strong hand. While at the same time reaching from the inside of his own head to show him all this, make him part of it.

The entire scene might as well have had a huge **MINE** stamped right across it.

It was too much. It really was.

And still not enough.

_Oh yes, that's it..._ Loki was all pleased, husky breath in his ear now. And with the words, the image came back. It wasn't as unbearably sharp this time, but now it had turned animated instead. Tony could see his own head dip limply back to rest on Loki's shoulder, and see the narrow lips by his ear move as the words he heard were spoken to him. 

_Now, get that hand off yourself, Stark._ To clarify the command, Loki took his own hand off fantasy Tony's cock, making both versions of him give a disappointed groan.

”I thought you wanted to watch!” Tony heard that he was whining, but couldn't help it at the moment.

_I do. But look at yourself... You are teetering on the brink already. That won't do._

Grumbling, Tony pulled his hand away. Loki had a point, and he wasn't really ready for this to be over just yet anyway.

_No need to fret. You will be putting those fingers to better use._ Amusement was battling with arousal in Loki's voice now, still whispering in the dreamed Tony's ear. _You know what you need._

An image of the tube of lubricant in his nightstand flashed by, like a hint. Tony had his hand on the drawer before he even had time to think about what he was doing. Rolling back into position on the bed, he only stopped long enough to get rid of his underwear, kicking them off the bed.

_So quick to obey, suddenly._ The words were followed by a soft, dark laugh that Tony could almost feel brush by his ear, the way it did in the fantasy scene, where Loki was using the hold on his throat to pull Tony even closer to his chest. 

He felt so warm and firm against Tony's shoulderblades, that for a moment Tony actually forgot that it wasn't real, and tried to push back into it in real life as well.

Loki seemed to notice. The tip of his tongue touched the shell of Tony's ear then _Perhaps I am a bad influence on you, after all?_

”Told you”, Tony breathed.

_Now, then._ Loki turned all business again, suddenly. In a flash of images, he showed what he wanted Tony to do.

He swallowed. ”Okay, now that's... New. Actually.”

_It most certainly is not. I have seen it._

”Just because you _think about_ something doesn't mean you have actually done it, you know!”

_Oh... I see._ Loki hesitated, a hint of disappointment shifting behind the words. _So, then you won't -_

Tony interrupted him with a snort. ”Don't be stupid. Of course I will.”

He could see a wide, wicked grin spread over Loki's face in the mental image they shared, and at the same time feel an identical expression pull at his own lips.

Damn, the lines were really getting blurred...

_Well, then, Stark. Let me watch._ The fantasy shimmered away and Tony could feel Loki's intense, invisible gaze out of their shared darkness. _Show me what kind of bad influence I can be._

Kinky bastard...

Tony wasn't completely lacking in the kink department either, of course, so he kicked the covers out of the way, covered a couple of fingers in the libricant, and rested his head on his other arm while he reached behind himself, trying to find an angle. Even as he arched his back to make it work, he could sense Loki taking in every movement and detail, and maybe – just maybe – he arched it some more, spread his legs a bit wider, just to put on a show.

Loki couldn't stop himself moaning when he saw Tony's fingers slip into place.

But that was where Tony found himself hesitate, stopped by his own tenseness. Too selfconscious all at once. He sighed and muttered into the pillow. ”All right, Bad Influence, help me out here. I need some immoral support. Distract me a bit, would you?”

The image came back, only a bit different this time. Now Loki was on his back, Tony astride him and leaning far down over him.

_We both know you want to, Stark._ Loki was holding the Tony in their mind close to his chest, whispering in his ear again. _So I'll let you see yourself do it._

Then the imagined Tony was free of Loki's strong arms, and Tony guessed he could have moved away, left Loki alone there on the bed. Instead he sat up straight, slowly, his movements much smoother than Tony thought his own ever were in reality. Perhaps this version of him was still part Loki. (But then again, what of him wasn't part Loki by now?) Straddling Loki's narrow hips Tony turned his head to glance over his shoulder, looking right at the watching part of himself, and then one of his large, brown eyes winked, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. It was the most inviting, suggestive look he'd ever gotten in his life. And he had just gotten it from himself.

Loki's long, light hands were running up his thighs, but they were just stroking, not taking part in anything. _You already know you're ready._

The fantasy version of Tony reached a hand behind himself then, rubbing his palm and fingers along the underside of Loki's cock, where it was pressed against his ass. His dark eyes were still locked on himself, watching, when he arched his back, letting the real Tony see exactly how ready he was. Already thoroughly fucked open from the way Loki had treated him before, most likely.

”Oh my god”, he groaned into the pillow as his slick fingertips moved over his real ass, feeling the tight muscle relax a bit, as if the sight had started turning to reality.

_That's it..._ Loki's fingers ran all the way up to his hips, his voice breathless.

Tony watched his made up double angle his body slightly forward as his hand moved the tip of Loki into place, and then impaled himself on the waiting length. Not as slowly and gently as he might have expected, either, throwing his head back and giving air to a shout Tony felt himself let out into the damp pillowcase when his own finger breached him at the same time. Without him even consciously deciding to do it. But oh, was he happy he had.

”Fuck, that's good!”

_Oh, yes!_

And in an unusually open channel of sensation between them, Tony felt Loki feel him. All of him. It lasted just for a moment, before the fantasy layered itself over it. But it gave Tony the distinct impression that Loki enjoyed the real thing even more than pretending that Tony was riding him.

He felt oddly touched. And flattered. And he just craved more of everything. So while Loki's whispered his bad influence in his ear, spurring him on with his images, Tony pressed a second finger into himself, working them both deeper, harder, until he was sure he saw stars.

It felt like it went on forever, until Tony could feel himself grow weak, helpless, losing control, but not in the way he wanted. His muscles just wouldn't obey. It was all too much.

"I can't!" It was a whimper. "I can't do it."

_Do you need me to take over?_

"Yes!"

For the first time since Loki had become part of him, Tony willingly stepped back and let the other take charge. And Loki was quick to slide into place, finding reserves of strength that Tony hadn't been able to reach, pushing the fingers in deeper, expertly finding the right angle.

Having to divide his attention between the shared images and controlling their shared body made the fantasy Loki had been creating for them less sharp and precise, but it didn't matter anymore. They were too far gone to stop, and they wouldn't need much more to reach the edge and fall over. Loki wasn't even touching their cock, just using the imagined sensation of moving his own inside Tony while it now and then rubbed against the soft sheets.

It was enough. And more.

It was mindblowing. Really.

Layer upon layer of physical sensation and fantasy, all mixing together until Tony had no way of separating one from the other anymore. Or even which of the sensations were his own and which were Loki's. And really didn't care anyway. Just floating in weightless darkness, feeling all of it, lapping at him and rushing over him like waves. He'd never felt anything even remotely like it.

Of course Tony knew that technically, he was all alone in the bed. But the reality of it was still that he'd never been this intimate with another person. Ever. The thought was a bit terrifying, and deeply arousing, at the same time.

He was so close it hurt. He just needed that last push...

In his mind, Loki gripped his hips tighter, pushed up into him harder, driving the real fingers deeper again, staring up at his doubles face. _Come. Right now. All over me._

And Tony did. At least he got a short glimpse of himself doing so in the fantasy before it just _exploded_ when they both lost everything in the wild rush, their body contracting and tensing in spasms, toes curling, head back, gasping for too much air with too little oxygen.

All over.

Then Loki slowly but willingly drew back again, putting Tony in charge. Leaving him to be the one lying face down on the rumpled, stained sheets - right on the wet spot.

”Nice...” His voice was a bit broken.

_You are so very welcome._ Loki sounded the same, but also unbearably smug.

Tony groaned, but forced himself up off the bed to use some tissues to wipe the sheet reasonably clean, go to the bathroom to wash himself, and then came back to fall down on the bed, drained. 

While he did, and after he was back on the bed, Loki was just making small, humming noises of contentment, all purring satisfaction. It was a bit like listening to one of those CDs for meditation or to help you sleep, with sounds of the ocean or the rainforest. Except instead of being completely fucking annoying and making him want to break something, this was actually kind of soothing.

Slowly, the noises turned to silence. But Tony knew that Loki was still awake.

Awake, and thoughtful. Tony couldn't follow the threads of those thoughts, they were kept private, but he could feel that they were long, and ran deep. He considered leaving Loki to it, just fall asleep, but something made him speak up instead.

”You want to talk about it?”

At first, he didn't think he would get an answer, the silence stretched for so long. Then, words finally came. And they were nothing like what he would have expected.

_Would you still... want me?_ Loki hesitated. _If I was me? Flesh and blood? If I was not half you?_

There was something vulnerable in the question, and Tony found that he had to take it seriously.

He wondered if he should ask the same question right back, but found that he didn't have to. Loki would never have reached for Tony in this way if he didn't want him. And, more importantly, he would never have asked this question, opened himself up to the risk of rejection, if he hadn't hoped for the opposite.

Would he, though? If they weren't bound together in the same mind and body? If he could choose something else, someone else, would he still want to do the things they had played at doing? Tony didn't have to think about it for as long as he would have suspected.

"Yes. I would. Actually."

They were quiet then. Both turning this over in their own thoughts. Then the shared image came back in their mind, showing how Loki rolled over in the made up bed, pulled fantasy Tony with his back flush against Loki's chest. Loki put his face in Tony's hair and curled up like that, ready to go to sleep. It made Tony feel strangely warm and comforted.

He sighed into the pillow, pulling it closer. ”We have to get you out of there.”

And this time, he didn't say this just because he wanted Loki out. He still did, of course, but now he also wanted something else - he wanted Loki there, with him, for real. And he knew that Loki could see this, and would know what he meant, even without him saying it. The thoughts made fantasy Tony turn his head, search out Loki's lips with his own, and catch them in a slow, serious kiss. Tony had no idea which one of them had made that happen. It could have been either. Or both.

When the kiss ended, Tony could feel Loki's sigh on his lips, and the murmured words that followed. 

_Yes. We do._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And when it comes down to it, they have so much more in common than they ever thought...

”I think I might be close to a solution, here.” Banner was sitting by the bar in the penthouse, his hands clasped on the counter.

”A solution for... us?” Tony had been about to take a swallow of his drink, but took it down from his lips and put it back on the bar between them, looking at Bruce with wide eyes.

”Yes.” Banner nodded and absently, nervously ran his fingers over each other. ”I believe I'm close to understanding how it happened, and I also believe the process can actually be reversed.”

Tony and Loki were both just as stunned by those words.

”But if we try to do something about this, won't these put a stop to it anyway?” Tony raised a hand and turned it, making the light flash off the metal cuff.

Bruce shook his head. ”Loki's magic didn't do this, Tony. The scepter did. It's powered by the Cube, not by the person using it.” He lifted his hands, making slow, controlled gestures as he continued his explanation. ”As far as I can tell, the scepter uses thoughts and intents to trigger, and then makes them real, makes them work. No matter if that's firing blue bolts at someone, or taking control of their mind. But what's in your arc reactor works differently, and it formed stort of a... filter. Changed the input from the scepter.” Banner shrugged. ”If it had been just a one-way thing, then the reactor would have simply, well, negated the effect. Made it fizzle. Lose it's potency.”

”Huh.” Tony thought about it. ”Like, performance issues?” Suddenly he grinned. ”You know, I hear it's not that uncommon. One out of five -”

_Shut up, Stark!_

The sharp, biting tone made Tony cut himself off, but he still chuckled a bit. Man, he could just picture Loki's face if that had happened. Tony would probably have said something like that, too. It sure sounded just like something he might do, didn't it? And it would probably have ended badly, but, well, what the hell? Might have been worth it.

Banner was just watching him, patient but not a bit amused. Tony made an effort to get it together. 

”So. What you're saying here is that what happened wasn't a one-way thing?”

”Exactly.” Bruce nodded. ”The power of the scepter, from the Tesseract, met the power of the reactor, and they seem to have combined the... I guess, the intent, from both of you. And turned it into this outcome.”

”The intent? From both of us? Was... this?” Tony blinked, and leaned back. ”We made this happen? We _wanted_ this to happen? That makes no fucking sense, Bruce. Really.”

”Are you sure?” Banner studied him. ”What did both of you want?”

Tony turned away, stared into nothing, then he frowned and started thinking about it. What _had_ they really wanted?

_”Could he be on to something here?”_ Tony hadn't heard or felt anything from Loki while Bruce had been speaking.

_I don't..._ Loki sounded uncharacteristically hesitant. _I don't know. He might be. I know I needed you. And of course I wanted inside your head. Not like this, obviously, but yes. I did._

_”Perhaps I wanted you in here, too.”_ Tony knew he had to admit it. He'd never thought about it like that before, but now that there were words put to it it rang true. _”Mostly I wanted to stop you, but I might have wanted to get close to you to do it. Get to know you, how you worked.”_

_That might have been enough. Magic sometimes has it's own way of reading intent._

”He's speaking to you right now, isn't he?” Banner's voice made Tony blink and look back at him.

”How'd you...?” He cleared his throat, feeling slightly embarrassed for some reason he struggled to put his finger on. Like he'd been caught doing something a bit dirty. ”I didn't think anyone could tell.”

Bruce gave him a tight little smile and shook his head. ”I doubt any of the others can. But you get this inward, focused look sometimes, and I figured that was when he was talking.” Then Banner looked down at his hands before he continued. ”I don't think I've seen you listen to anyone like that before.”

All right, now Tony really was embarrassed. He was sure he even felt a blush. 

And Loki, of course, didn't miss any of that. _That's sweet, Stark. I see why you like this one. When I'm out of here, perhaps we could invite him over to make real on that dream where -_

”I'm so _not_ listening to him!” Tony raised his voice and spoke right over Loki, but could still hear him chuckle. ”And if I do - you know, occasionally! - it's just because I can't help it.” He glared at the still smiling Bruce, who was glancing up at him now. ”He's in my head, after all.”

”I know.” Bruce nodded again, and his smile faded into seriousness. ”And I'm working on that. Give me a couple more days, then I should have something ready. Just... hang in there, all right?”

Loki gave a snort. _As if we have another option..._

Tony silently agreed.

* * *

Later that night, they were standing by the window in Tony's bedroom, looking out over the city, all floating lights in the darkness. So peaceful, like it hadn't all almost gone to shit a couple of months ago. Tony leaned his shoulder against the wall, let his head follow, and felt a frown.

_Do you want to talk about it?_ Loki sounded like he didn't actually want to ask, but did anyway.

”I don't get it.”

_What?_

”I wanted to understand how you work, to stop you. And I guess I did stop you. Not the way I planned, you know, but still.” He shrugged against the wall. ”But I don't understand. I mean, I know you, don't I? Not all through and through or anything, because we haven't let that happen, but enough, I think.”

Loki shifted a bit uncomfortably now. _Spit it out, Stark._

”Why did you do it at all? Why did you come here?”

Silence.

”You really went all in with it, too. But since you ended up here with me? Nothing. It's like you didn't even really want any of that. The war and the world domination and whatever.”

Silence.

”Why?” Tony almost pleaded there. He didn't get it. And he hated not getting it.

More silence. But this time, Tony waited it out.

_I had to._ A whisper so soft Tony wouldn't have heard it if it hadn't been inside him already. _You are right; I never wanted it._

”Why did you have to, then?” Tony crossed his arms over his chest, feeling something cold behind the reactor. ”How the fuck does anyone make you do anything?”

_I cannot tell you._ Loki sighed. _Words can't hold it._

”Then... show me?”

_No._ There was strain in the voice. _You do not want to know._

”Well, I asked, didn't I?”

The next silence was even longer and full of hesitation, until it was broken by a long, trembling sigh. And then, slowly and carefully, Loki opened a small window. Just a sliver of a glimpse into the darkest, deepest, most hidden away part of him. It was a window Tony knew wouldn't stay open for long. He had this one chance, and if he didn't take it, it would be gone. Part of him was pretty damn sure he'd regret looking, but the need to know was just too much and it got the better of him.

It hit him like a steel fist in his solarplexus.

He knew what he was allowed to see wasn't all of it. Not _nearly_. But it was still horrifying. The endless fall, the torment, the pain and the terror and the force pressing down on his mind... And all of that was still just like some sort of disgusting icing on a cake made up of doubts and fears, on a thick, sticky bottom layer of self-loathing. 

He didn't even think Loki had intended for him to see those last things. He'd most likely just meant to show the top layers. Tony had caught a glimpse of the things beneath anyway, probably because he was pretty damn familiar with them himself. So he gently and respectfully pulled back from that.

What Loki had meant to share was bad enough.

And Tony still knew that this part, what he had been shown, was just a hint of what was really there, what had really happened to Loki. Details in the big, gruesome picture. What was the reality of it? A hundred times this? A thousand? Tony couldn't even begin to grasp that. Ten times? Yeah, that he could _sort of_ picture... Perhaps...

Oh, fuck. Tony's gut twisted in a sickening way, and saliva pooled on his tongue. Fuck, fuck, fuck...

Ten seconds later he was on his bathroom floor, throwing up his dinner, retching noisily into the toilet as his body violently rejected what his mind had taken in.

He spit out the last of it, gasped for air, blinked open his eyes and felt cold tears make his eyelashes cling together. Then he sat back and leaned against the wall. His head throbbed dully, and the cold from the tiles behind him helped a bit. In his mind, Tony could feel Loki hover, worried, but keeping back, afraid to touch him. Everything between them was as shut off and smooth as it had been before, but Tony knew what was hiding there now.

It made him feel like crying some more. 

”I'm sorry.” _I'm sorry._

They both spoke the words at the same time. And then realized that they had.

”Why are _you_ sorry?” _Why are_ you _sorry?_

A moment of hesitation, on both sides.

”How could I not be?” _How could I not be?_

Then they both fell silent for a while. Thinking thoughts they kept to themselves.

”I need you out of there more than ever, now.” The words tasted of vomit, and Tony nearly gagged on them.

It also nearly made him miss the way what he had said made Loki tense, pull back, curl up and attempt to shut him out even more. _Afraid it might rub off on you, Stark?_ His voice sounded almost as bitter as the taste in Tony's mouth.

”No.” Tony closed his eyes, and opened his heart. Reached for the balled up entity in his head, ignored the barbs pointed at him, and willed it closer. Surrounded Loki with all the warmth he could show. ”I just really, really want to give you a hug.”

There was a moment of shocked, frozen silence. Then those sharp ponts of fearful rejection slowly retracted, Loki softened, unfolded, and felt what Tony gave him. Tasted it. And made a sound somewhere between a surprised whimper, laughter, and a sob.

_You understand?_

And Tony wanted to say that he did. He really did. But he knew that Loki had been right; words weren't enough to hold it. So he just did the same thing Loki had done, and showed him.

He had told Loki what the arc reactor was, that it kept him alive, but he had never told him the whole story. What had put it there in the first place. Now he did. He showed him everything. The shrapnel. The desert cave. The endless drowning and the sacrifice. _(Don't waste your life...)_ The lies and betrayal. And the fight back to the light. 

And for every single card he turned over and placed on the table, Loki could cover it with a matching one of his own. Not to trumph his – it wasn't a competition – but just mapping out all the similarities between them. And man, were they many... In the end they both just stared at the overlapping constellations of fears and pains and lies and broken promises and mistakes, mistakes, mistakes, and the endless struggle to survive, stay alive, come back brighter.

”How?” Tony barely got the sound out through his sore throat, muscles tender after throwing up. ”How are we this alike?”

_I do not know._ Loki sighed, and reached even closer, reflecting Tony's warmth right back. _All I know, is that I wish I could hold you now, as well._

”You will”, Tony promised him, hugging his own pulled up legs, resting his still aching head on his knees. ”We will. Banner will fix this.”

He could feel that Loki really wasn't convinced. And Tony couldn't blame him; it was a struggle for him to feel sure of it, too. When he had brushed his disgusting teeth, got out of his clothes, and crawled into bed, Tony still tried to get rid of the doubts, and just linger in the warmth.

”Just... hold me anyway? Would you?” Tony closed his eyes and curled up under the covers.

_Of course._ Loki's soothing murmur was followed by the image of him lying down behind Tony, fitting chest and long legs to his body, hooking an arm around him, palm resting just beside the reactor. The fantasy was full of every single sensation and impression Loki could think up, from the warm hand on his chest and the breath in Tony's hair, to the slow, even heartbeat against his shoulder blades. _Sleep now._ Loki's lips brushed the side of Tony's neck.

And then they did sleep.

(Maybe they woke up in the middle of the night, drenched in a cold sweat and crying, not even knowing which of them had supplied the nightmare. But if they did, they never spoke of it. They just turned to the other for comfort, and slowly fell back asleep.)

* * *

For the first time in over two months Tony was back in his lab, and it felt good to be there, even if he was on the wrong side of the glass. He wasn't the one observing and performing this experiment; he was a part of it.

In front of him DUM-E was positioned, holding the scepter, the damn Glowstick of Destiny and Magic Fuck-Ups, at the same height and angle Loki had been holding it when he used it last, according to the surveillance videos. Tony was happy to see the robot again. The scepter? Not that much.

Then there was Banner's voice over the intercom. ”You remember what I told you?”

Tony rolled his eyes and felt Loki do the same. What were they? Idiots?

”Yeah, we remember”, Tony said, and then repeated the already a hundred times repeated and still just as simple instructions. ”Focus on our intent; to get Loki out of my mind. Step up and touch the reacor to the tip of the scepter. Hope that it doesn't go to shit. Did I miss any important part?”

He heard Bruce sigh. ”No, that about covers the essentials. Just... good luck?”

”Thanks, buddy.” Tony turned his head to give his friend a lopsided smile, where the man was standing by the instruments on the other side of the glass, his glasses a bit askew. ”Might need it.”

_When do we start?_ Loki was shifting around, nervously impatient.

”When can we do this?”

Banner straightened his glasses, looked at the screens, and then back at Tony. ”When you're ready.”

When the hell would that be? Probably never... Tony squared his shoulders and turned his head back to look at the scepter again.

_”You ready?”_

_As ready as I will ever be._

_”All right...”_ Tony hesitated, and then went for it anyway. _”If we don't make it out of this, I just wanted to say that... It was nice knowing you, Loki.”_

Loki's smile was different from his grin. It didn't feel slick and oily and sharp, it was smoother and gentler, and even had a taste of something warm. Cinnamon, maybe? _I will miss your mind, Stark._

_”Yeah, I'll miss yours too, you messed up piece of shit.”_ Tony knew his smile was showing on the outside as well, but couldn't stop it, or care. _”Okay, let's do this thing, then. One?”_

_Two..._

_”Three!”_

Tony felt both of them turn their full focus and attention to what they wanted. What they wished for. Let their common intent flood their shared mind entirely. The single, unified will to be separate, to get Loki out of his head, to undo this strange mistake. When it was all they knew, he moved forward, heard the same _clink!_ when the tip of the scepter hit his arc reactor as he remembered from the last time, and for a moment everything went blue and white in a sharp flash.

Gasping, Tony blinked, focused, and then found himself staring at the man now standing in front of him, holding on to the other end of the scepter, staring at the center of Tony's chest. Back in his flashing armour of green and metal on leather. Like nothing had even happened between then and now. And, well, to Loki's body, nothing really had...

Then Loki also pulled in a sharp breath, blinked, straightened up, and his eyes shifted to Tony's face.

While they stared at each other, like they had never seen each other before, DUM-E moved back, pulling the scepter with him. For a moment Tony was almost afraid that Loki would cling on to the thing, start all over again with the conquering business after all, but he just let it go without a fight. Then they kept staring at each other, for long, passing moments.

Tony cleared his throat. ”Hi there, stranger.” His voice was a bit hoarse, catching on something in his tight throat.

For a second Loki was still frozen in place. Then a smile twitched at the corners of his lips.

In the next instant, they both took one long step forward, meeting in the middle, hands going for the other's face. Tony reaching up, Loki leaning down, their mouths locked together in a fast and intense kiss. Lips pressed together, tongues touching in a surprisingly smooth way.

”You taste like I thought you would”, Tony murmured into Loki's almost panting breaths when he pulled back. It was so strange to remember that this was their first kiss, that they actually hadn't shared a few of them already, that they had never even touched before. Even though Loki's neck felt like it had always been under his fingers.

Loki gave a soft little laugh, pulled him close to his hard, armoured chest and leaned in to brush his lips by Tony's ear in a way that felt familiar, even though it wasn't. And then he whispered in it, so softly Tony was sure not even the sensitive microphones in the lab would pick it up. Three little words. Nothing more. Before he took that long step back away from Tony, swiftly and suddenly. He stayed there just long enough to meet Tony's wide, confused eyes – and then he disappeared.

How the hell did he...?

Oh, wait...

Tony looked down at his hands, at his wrists, where the metal cuffs still were. On him. On the one who had no magic what so ever. Which the metal bands seemed to sense, judging by the way they cracked open now, and fell off him. How had they not taken into account that the cuffs were on Tony, not on Loki?

Well, Tony knew how _he_ hadn't, because he hadn't really, truly been able to separate them in a long time. He had been part Loki and Loki had been part him. All blurred lines and nothing more. But Banner should have, shouldn't he?

”You bastard.” Tony let his hands drop and stared at the spot where Loki had turned to nothing a few seconds ago. ”You tricked us both.”

And then he joined in the confusion and anger that Loki had slipped their grasp, that they had overlooked the fact that he would be able to, so easily. And he avoided Banner's curious looks, because even though Loki had kept his whispered words off the record, that kiss had been difficult to miss. And then he went to the bar and drank a huge glass of scotch. Because damn, he'd missed that.

Strangely, he also missed the grumbling and complaining. The miserable gagging and the swearing. He hadn't thought he would, now that he was free and alone. But yeah, he did. Because he was also pretty damn lonely and empty.

When it felt painful to explore that suddenly uninhabited space in his head, though, he recalled the words Loki had left him with:

_Wait for me._

And then it felt a bit better. But just a little.

* * *

Three days passed.

Then a week.

Turning to two.

A month.

Fuck, this waiting thing really sucked, didn't it?

* * *

Tony woke up in the middle of the night, to the feeling of someone sharing the bed with him. Someone whose presence was a strange combination of very familiar, and completely new. He felt a hint of breath on his cheek, and knew that whoever it was, was lying nearly on top of him already. Not saying anything just yet, Tony got his hands up and felt soft, long hair, smooth skin, a sharp jawline, a smile pulling at thin lips...

He swallowed, and managed a whisper. ”Can I turn on the lights? I want to see you.”

The head in his hands nodded.

”JARVIS? Lights at thirty percent.”

Loki was so close to him that Tony could see his wide, black pupils contract when the soft lights filled the bedroom. But he didn't move. Neither of them moved. They stayed completely still, studying each other, pressed against one another.

Except for that quick, frantic moment of hello/goodbye when Loki had been pulled out of him, this was the first time they were face to face since that fateful day in the penthouse. And they both seemed to crave just looking, feeling, knowing that this was real. That they were separate people again.

Tony realized that he was still cupping Loki's face, and ran a gentle thumb over his cheek, brushing by the corner of his mouth, and up again. His lips were pale, just a few shades pinker than his white skin, making the black hairs stand out so sharply against it. The long lashes around the green eyes were a shock. The lines in his skin when he smiled were so smooth they might have belonged to a cartoon character. 

”Hi there, stranger”, Tony repeated, smiling back.

And then Loki surged forward, his hands planting themselves on either side of Tony's head as those lips were crushing down on his, frantic and searching and surprisingly hot. He had looked so cool, but his tongue nearly burned. Moaning into that heat, Tony ran his fingers up into the long, silky hair again, cradling Loki's head, pulling it even closer until their teeth were clashing. It was clumsy and inelegant and real and a little painful and just... perfect.

Without letting go of Tony's mouth, Loki got his hands in between them then and pulled the covers away, shoving them aside. Tony hadn't gotten a look at what Loki was wearing this time, but what he sensed against his skin told him it wasn't the armour. Something that felt like denim rubbed against his thigh, and when he moved his own hands down to Loki's shoulders he curled his fingers into fabric that had to be part of a t-shirt. Normal, human clothes.

”Am I stranger to you, Stark?” Loki finally got enough air between them to speak, his eyes locking onto Tony's again.

”Just... you know. Physically.” Tony grinned at him. ”And sometimes I don't think even like that.” He lost the grin, suddenly overcome by a weird rush of emotion and excitement. ”Damn. I've hardly ever actually touched you before, but I still know what you look like naked. I know what it's like to be fucked by you. I even know what that feels like to _you_.” Tony felt his hands grip that t-shirt tighter, saw Loki's eyes slowly widen, his mouth turn a bit slack. ”I know what you look like when I fuck you. I know the way your face falls apart when you cum...”

Loki let out a helpless moan and came at him in another kiss, even hotter than the first one, but more controlled and slower at the same time.

Tony let his hands gather up more of the t-shirt, and after a moment Loki curved his back up into it, to let Tony slide it all the way to his shoulders and then off his long arms. That got Tony's face full of black hair, since Loki didn't really move back, but he just threw the garment away, blindly, and got his hands on the bare skin of Loki's sides, ribs, back, and shoulders. Then followed his spine down until he had to slip his fingertips under tight jeans to reach the curve to Loki's ass.

”Off”, Tony muttered. ”Get these off, damnit.”

Loki gave a soft but thick little laugh and sat up on his knees, straddling Tony's hip. And for a moment Tony blinked up at him in something that felt like complete shock, because now he really looked like a stranger. Smiling like that, all carefree, his hair in rumpled, tousled half-curls and falling into his face, with his bare, slim torso disappearing into black jeans hugging low around his hips... Loki looked _young_. So completely human and innocent. Like nothing of the things he really was, the things Tony knew so well by now, were hiding behind the surface.

Then Loki's hands were grasping the front of his pants and ripped the buttons open, and Tony decided that he could think about all that later.

”Too slow”, he growled, and sat up so he was face-to-chest with Loki. He grabbed his waist and turned him, pushing him down on his back on the bed. Something he knew he only managed to do because Loki let himself be manhandled, he could have easily resisted it. Tony wasn't weak, but he had nothing on Loki and he knew it.

Tony got his fingers under those jeans and tugged them down, pulling them off, noticing that Loki wasn't wearing shoes. Or socks. Or underwear... He let his eyes wander over the lean, slim, long, _endless_ body and noticed he was licking his lips, before he looked up and met Loki's pleased grin.

”Yeah, now I recognize you, stranger.”

Getting himself up on his elbows, Loki watched him quickly get rid of his own underwear, which was the only thing he had been sleeping in. ”That is good to know”, he murmured when Tony faced him again. ”Now, Stark, tell me... Am I still a bad influence on you?”

”Most likely.” Tony smiled at him, while he ran a hand up Loki's closest leg, to his hip. ”Want to find out?”

”Gladly.” Then Loki caught his wrist and pulled him up in an effortless movement until Tony was nearly on top of him, one hand slipping around the back of Tony's neck to guide him into a kiss, the other finding a possessive grip on his ass, pushing and pulling and rubbing him closer in a way that made Tony gasp against his lips.

”All right! Shit. That's a yes, right there!”

Loki laughed into him, breathless and pleased. Then he was the one flipping them over, until they were back the way they had started, and astride Tony he pulled his face back to grin at him. ”Then let me see it.” He kept pulling back, tracing a hand down Tony's chest, right by the reactor, to his flat stomach, running a finger along his treasure trail... and then flitting his eyes right up to Tony's. ”I want to watch.”

With a groan, Tony got an arm across his face, unable to keep looking at the way their cocks were _this close_ but not actually touching. ”Fuck, Loki! Aren't we done with the watching?”

”Not nearly.” Loki leaned down to kiss his neck, and the movement at last made their hard lengths press together an a way that was just delicious. ”I could watch forever. But if you're persuasive, maybe I won't _just_ watch...”

Tony pulled his arm from his head and scowled at the pale face smiling up at him. That messed up piece of shit... Well, all right then! Tony could be persuasive if he had to. Without another word, he just reached around to the nightstand and pulled out the lubricant Loki was already familiar with, got some out on his fingers – not too much, just enough for comfort – and reached down to get his hand around himself. Almost between Loki's legs. And then slowly and firmly started stroking. 

Watching, eyes wide again, Loki already looked like he had some trouble keeping his own hands where they were resting on his long thighs.

”You did this a few times”, Tony murmured. ”You know what it feels like. And looks like.”

Never taking his eyes off Tony's hand, Loki shook his head. ”I did, but no, it looks different when it's you.” Then he did look up, and Tony saw how blown his pupils were. ”But I know what it felt like to you, when I did it.” One of his hands slipped from his leg and gently, gently placed itself around Tony's. Not moving it or pressing harder, just following along. ”Is this the same?”

”No.” Tony held those blackened eyes, never slowing his hand. ”It was better when it was you.” Because it really had been. In a lot of ways. ”When it was us.”

A shudder passed through Loki at that. Tony felt it. Then the dark eyes were drawn back to Tony's hand, his own just resting against it still. He really seemed to have a thing for the watching; his breathing was fast and ragged and when Tony studied him closer he could actually see Loki's cock move, like he was so close he could barely hold himself back. And he was still so damn teasingly near Tony's own...

No, fuck this! Loki might just want to watch, but Tony sure didn't.

With a small, wriggling motion that Loki didn't even seem to notice Tony moved himself a little further down on the bed, got them just that tiny bit closer, and then he shook Loki's hand off his own, taking it away from himself.

A wide-eyed, worried face came up to look at him. ”What are -?”

With his eyes still on Loki's face, smiling, Tony arched up a bit, and then caught both of them in his still slick hand. Pressing the hot, sensitive undersides together, and stroking them both with the same movement. 

Loki's eyes turned even wider, but the worry was wiped away so fast it was almost comical.

”It can still be us”, Tony said, just as breathless now. 

Loki leaned over him, supported on straight arms. His now so much redder mouth opened, but nothing came out.

Suddenly Tony wanted nothing more than to see his face fall apart in that familiar way. For the first time.

”Right now”, he muttered. ”All over me.”

And then Loki's face did fall apart, followed by the rest of him. All over Tony, who was just seconds behind; that sight would probably have pushed him over even if he hadn't been just on the edge already. Loki's arms even buckled and he nearly crumbled on top of Tony, not minding the sticky mess, just gripping his shoulders in weakened hands and panting against his neck.

Tony's right hand was still caught between them, around them, feeling hardened tissues go soft between his fingers, but the other one he got up around Loki's ribs and back, holding him closer still. Panting just as hard against his shoulder.

At last Loki slowly rolled himself off him, but only to curl up around Tony, pulling him to his chest, rubbing his face into his hair, like he had done so many times in their head. He seemed to enjoy it just as much in reality, and Tony knew that he himself definitely did. This had been his only comfort for so long now. It was oddly like coming home.

”It is not us anymore, though. Is it?” Loki murmured into his hair. ”We are no longer... we.”

And Tony knew what he meant. ”No, we're not. That's over.” He pressed his back into Loki's chest and gripped his arm closer to his own. ”I'm all me, and you're all you. But I guess there can be a new kind of we. One where we're alone, but together.”

They were both silent for a while, but it felt right, and relaxed.

”Yes.” Loki splayed his long fingers over the arc reactor, moved his head to whisper into Tony's ear again. ”You need a bad influence in your life, Stark. I can tell.”

”No wonder I call you 'stranger'.” Laughing, Tony twisted himself around in the long arms and looked at his smirking face. ”For someone who's lived in my head, it's like you don't know me at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (If you happen to find any spare feels lying around, they are probably mine. You can keep them, though. My heart is all busted now anyway...)


End file.
